Don’t Pay For Porn (A Review of BackPage the Movie)

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BackPage Trailer from Hugh Massey on Vimeo.

BackPage Trailer 2 from Hugh Massey on Vimeo.

BackPage has received its third Amazon.com review.

http://www.amazon.com/review/R3VPAV951PR68K/

Like “czerro” (that’s the Amazon.com username of the first reviewer), “schmuck” gave us one out of five stars.

To read my critique of czerro’s review, see my blogpost:

http://www.backpagemovie.com/2010/porn-new-review/

Here’s schmuck’s review:

“Hmmmm… No
No nudity in this movie. You get to see a very brief appears to be poorly simulated sex scene with the girl on the cover of the film. She leaves her underwear on. Not a good skin flick. You can read about the story in the other reviews. I bought this strictly for skin…and it wasnt there. “

Dude, you can have the two dollars back. Use them to buy yourself a used copy of Strunk and White.

Furthermore, what are you doing trolling Amazon for porn? And why are you paying for it?

“I bought this strictly for skin…”

Take my advice: don’t pay for porn.

Oh, and for his claim that there’s no nudity in the movie: you weren’t paying attention.

“You get to see a very brief appears to be poorly simulated sex scene…”

Also, don’t review stoned.

You may feel the inspiration to share, but you won’t have the ability.

So, to conclude: you came in horny with dick in hand, strokin’ it for 104 minutes, waitin’ for that scene to pop off to and are now disappointed that the film was exactly as advertised? Where in the description, with lofty language such as: “monumental social statement” and “modern morality tale” could you possibly infer that this was a teen sex farce?

Maybe you’re a connoisseur of crappy movies on the ass-end of Amazon, trolling for soft-core porn. Begging for the risque envelope to be pushed one titty further without suffering an X rating.

But, I assume you came to the film the same way everyone else does: Google searches for terms synonymous with sex. You saw the pic of Bill and Marla mid coitus:

Sex Scene BackPage Craigslist Escort Blackmail Hooker Prostitute Extortion

Sex Scene BackPage Craigslist Escort Blackmail Hooker Prostitute Extortion

That lead you to a blogpost like this where you ignored all the other pages and discussions and descriptions. You watched the trailer and saw the Amazon link and made a conclusion completely contradictory to all the evidence. So, after the research and the film, you’ve now been stroking you limp, raw dick for a couple of hours now waiting for some “skin” (as you say.) You’re now mad as an old wet hen and decide to character assassinate us with bad writing in a pissy review. Fine, but I advise more than six sentences. You know what they say about guys who can’t last more than a few sentences in an essay, don’t you?

For those of you who don’t shit in your own hats, BackPage can be found for sale at Amazon.com on either video on-demand digital download or live stream:

http://www.amazon.com/BackPage/dp/B003DLCQAU/

That’s right, own it on your PC, MAC, phone, iPad, or DVR for only $2. FOR ONLY TWO DOLLARS!

Or you can own your very own DVD copy:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003A02O4W/

The DVD version comes with bonus features: 15 deleted/extended scenes, gag/outtake reels like these:

BackPage Deleted Scene: Marla from Hugh Massey on Vimeo.

So these are your orders: buy the film, review it, get into a savage and epic flame war with me, receive free t-shirt. That’s right, every troll who I pick a fight with will receive a free t-shirt.

rmassey @ November 22, 2010

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